he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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