Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
