i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
