I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
