apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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