Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
