I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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