I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
