God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize