1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My life is pants optional.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
