i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
