I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize