Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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