What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
