i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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