They should really pass out barf bags in church
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize