If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
