friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
