Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
