We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
