You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
