if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
