So drunk its hurt
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
