u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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