matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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