You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
