listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize