Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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