You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
