Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize