note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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