Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
