Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
