I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
