He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
