i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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