Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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