why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
