Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
