I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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