no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
