FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
