i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
