what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
