i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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