if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
