why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize