I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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