i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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