I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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