just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
