Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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