why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize