I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
