Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
