I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
