Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
