my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
