All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
