I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
