There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can text with my tongue
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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