So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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