were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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