you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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